serenity,
I can't let go of something without replacing it. When I remove something from my life, even if it is unhealthy, there is a hole there. Letting go of a relationship is the same. I need to fill that hole with other things. Going to meetings, creating new friendships, working on my recovery. You have lost something in your life, and nothing can keep you from feeling loss and pain, but you won't heal until you start to fill that void with something else. If you don't fill it with something else, you will fill it with what was there before. I hope that you can begin healing. Al-Anon has so much to offer if we are ready to reach out and take it. Hugs, Magic