Ponder

I just found this forum last night and it has opened my eyes to a lot. I won't go into my long winded crazy story, because I bet after a while they sound all the same. I have been in another online help group for over three years for a totally different reason, a disordered emotionally abusive ex-husband. Change the names, places and faces, but the core behavior never varies I've come to notice.

But the basics about me are that I have been living with my alcoholic boyfriend for about three years, however I have known him for over 20 years. So I knew he drank a lot, but didn't realize how bad it was. Neither one of us planned on having a relationship with each other, at least I didn't. I look back now and realize it was way too damn soon after my divorce to jump into a relationship, especially after an abusive one.

Anyways, after reading for hours last night and this morning, I'm seeing myself in so many of the posts here. I found myself crying at a few as well. I'm starting to realize I'm going to have to let him go in the near future. In two months I will be graduating and getting a college degree. I've been unemployed for two years while a state program has helped put me through school. So, right now, I'm financially dependent on him. However, I have promised myself when I get a job and get back on my feet so to speak, things are going to change around here. I love him, but I will not live like this for the rest of my life. I wasted 17 years on an abusive POS already, threw my "good years" away on that low life. I will not waste anymore of my life catering to someone elses dysfunction again.

Thanks for listening