Callie,
Reading your story broke my heart, not because I feel badly for your situation....but because so much of what you describe I can relate to. While reading it, I thought "how can anyone put up with this crap?" then I remembered "I do the same thing" over and over again.......
The ongoing physical fighting, the screaming, the stalking text messages, the inability to concentrate at work, smashing counters/doors/windows...ect. even the part about him pouring beer all over you... all of this struck close to my situation with my AH.
I understand that you do not want to see him hurting, so you took him to the ER for his hand, I would have as well.... although in the back of mind I would be thinking "suffer you SOB"... But I have done it so many times.... He threw me thru a folding table (much like a WWE event) and then jumped on top of my, so I kicked him off of me... he stumbled back and got a concussion. The cops came he got arrested... The Next day I hated him so much yet I went to the police station and picked him up, and took him to the ER to get checked out. I needed the ER and a mental evaluation at that point not him. But I put my needs last, WHY do we do that ?
Why do we put our needs and wants second to the A's in our life ?
This is certainly not out of love.
I guess I am not much help here since I am trying to figure this all out, but since I wrote all this several times and deleted it several times I am just going to post it :-)