Thread: Tired
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Old 03-24-2011, 05:55 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
GettingBy
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
The answer for even us non-alcoholics dealing with non-alcohol related problems/issues is: often we need to be hit *several* times in the head before we stop doing something that hurts us or causes us pain.
Replace "non-alcohol related" with "alcoholic relative's" and you've got the question you should be asking yourself.

I focused for so long on what it was going to take to get my AH to "get it"... was it going to be a DWI, was it going to be my begging/pleading/crying... what was the straw that was going to break that camel's back?!?! So much focusing on him, what he was doing, if he was drinking, yada-yada-yada... I gave up so much of myself, my money, my energy, my spirit... all for the sake of saving him from him drinking!

But I did it because I loved him. We were married... for better or worse... in sickness and in health. And I took that damn serious the day I made that promise. The problem is - those vows only work in a two-way situation... with an alcoholic, the giving is largely a one-way street. It's a no-win situation for the non-alcoholic - you're giving out more than you get back. Through the help of al-anon we find ways to supplement... we find friends to care and listen, we find hope... and it helps balance life for us.

I have taken so much money out of my IRA to bail out my AH's bad decisions. I regret it. I regret each and every withdrawal. If he asked me for money from it for rehab, I'd say no. If he really wanted rehab, he'd figure out a way on his own. (Hell, he figures out a way to get drunk even when he's flat out broke... so I know he CAN do it!"

Take what you like and leave the rest!
Shannon
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