Is this a boundary?
Looking for thoughts on this,
Some may know, AH and I are separated over a year now, 20+ year marriage, 3 kids. AH not really in recovery, Alanon is helping me, as well as therapy and SR
Most recently AH got DUI and at this same time I was deciding to stop couples counseling and focus primarily on my own recovery.
AH indicated he was going to take care of his DUI status and attend some kind of outpatient treatment - not really sure what this is.
We decided to take a break from couples counseling.
I told AH that I didn't see myself going back to couple counseling and working on reconciliation unless during this interim period he worked on his recovery with either a counselor (he stopped seeing his counselor a couple of months ago) or a AA sponsor involved (he never got one). This was my decision and his choice.
I felt good about saying this and truly feel I will move in a different direction if he chooses not to do this. At first he said I was asking for a final outcome and I firmly stated no I was not, I was only wanting a counselor and/or sponsor to be part of the process.
It seems like boundary setting but not sure since that is something I have trouble with. I just feel if I don't establish this I will just continue in a cycle where AH claims he is working on not drinking and recovery and I won't believe him but with counselor or sponsor I might have some input other than AH to help me feel comfortable that he is at least making an effort.
Maybe I'm still being codie, but if so maybe it's a little less codie that before.
Wondering how others view this?