Has she tried AA? Rehab isn't a "magic bullet"--she's been through one, so she knows the drill. She doesn't need detox, apparently.
Nope, rehab is not a "magic bullet."
Then, again, she's tried AA several times too - and it's no "magic bullet" either.
Not looking for a "magic bullet," but looking for a path to success. Success = her being sober. Even if that means *she* decides not to be married to me when she gets sober.
And sometimes it's not just a matter of path, but of timing as well.
Like the Buddhists say: when the student is ready, the master appears.
Often it can take a loooooonnnnggggg time for the student to get ready.
When I was in therapy after my divorce (from ex non-AW), one of the questions that would be raised was: "how many times do you have to be hit on the head by a 2x4 piece of lumber?"
The answer for even us non-alcoholics dealing with non-alcohol related problems/issues is: often we need to be hit *several* times in the head before we stop doing something that hurts us or causes us pain.
I think for alcoholics its the same way - you have to get whacked on the head several times (hitting bottom) before you realize that you can stop getting hit in the head by the 2x4; but I think, too, that there is NOT one path that works for everyone to recovery or sobriety.
There are different types and forms of rehab, just like there is such a wide variety in AA groups (whether we define the difference as "vibe" or "fit" or whatever).
For some, the path to sobriety may lead them to many different doors. Perhaps they have to fail before they succeed.
The issue for me, the non-A spouse, is doing the things I need to do for me.