Just for the record, there were so many times that I spent hours, nights, days, strung out, and I mean STRUNG OUT worrying about AH, thinking the worst, not being present to my self or my son, and found out he was just fine.
Substitute the word daughters for son and you've got my story. I've sacrificed time, fun, being fully present with my children because of sick, obsessive worry and fear about my AH after I've told him something or better yet, acted in a proactive way for myself that he does not like.
My H for what it's worth, I am convinced, does this intentionally. It's the dance. He goes silent and KNOWS I will worry and be consumed and bc of that worry I will accept whatever sorry excuse for an apology he offers later...
Right now I don't know where my H is living/sleeping/whether he is drinking or not but for once I am not worrying obsessively about him. Instead I am worrying about myself and our daughters. Sounds like you're doing the same-- good for you!
He had just found himself another distraction, another drinking buddy, another plaything, another person to pump up his bruised ego...
There's never been a single time to my knowledge when I have been SICK with worry about my H's well being that he's a) cared that I am worried and let me know he was okay or b) been doing anything other than having a great time....
Think about yourself and your daughter-- willing to bet that your H is fine (well, not fine but you know what I mean?)
So sorry you are going through this...