Thank you everyone for your advice. Haven't gone to the meeting yet, but am working on thinking about what I want to say.
re: do I think or know if he has been abusive - honestly, I have a hard time admitting that he has been. I am going to address this with my therapist so I can get clarity. It seems like such a cruel thing to say, so I do what to be clear in my own mind that I *know* it. I think I am in a bit of denial because I even think if I do say it, I can no longer ignore it which scares me to some extent. However, I am grateful I have an opportunity to get it clear in my own head before the meeting, and then will have a safe environment to bring this up.