Lately, I’ve been forcing myself to remember the human that is trapped inside the addict, my husband. I try to remember all the things we talked about and all the plans we made so I won’t feel so crazy for having married him or stayed with him. I don’t know if that’s a good policy or a bad one. I sincerely miss that person and wish I could find him again.
It's a good policy if it allows you to find compassion and forgiveness. It's a bad policy if it opens the door to compromising your integrity, well being, even one more time.
The person he was is how he came to be the person he is
Have you considered Alanon or other self help recovery groups? Private therapy? Your life has been torn apart and there are many resources out there, able to help you put the pieces back together again.