Single Parent in a Marriage
Jayscott's "Difficult Day" post got me thinking...being a single parent in a marriage...and it triggered me like nothing has in a while, especially upon arriving home late (from having to do someone else's job all afternoon) to be met with a flurry of "I need's" which comprised of a variety of forms and money. On top of that, both the girls' PC's sound like they are dying. It was overwhelming. By bedtime, I was in tears and feeling emotionally exhausted, not to mention physically.
I've wondered lately...what is the point...why did I get married? I didn't need this, and obviously don't get any of the support I thought I would. My RAH has in the past and still comments today on the fear of being "screwed over" by me. For a long time I ignored that...thought it was juvenile BS...and it hit me last night that the person really short-changed in this relationship is me and the girls. He still has his house and all of his things, his job, his car (that he turned over to my 17 yr old to drive when she turned 16...I had to replace that when I left) and his life. What has he given up to be married? It wasn't alcohol, that's for sure. It may be now, and that's just peachy, but what about me? I have to now go replace everything I gave up to be married. He doesn't have to do that. And it made me so flippin angry that I couldn't fall asleep for a long time.
Like jayscott describes, we are left to take care of everything, make it all better, be responsible, clean it all up, and make life livable for our children. And some days that just doesn't seem fair. Some days I wish I could be the irresponsible one.
It's been about a month since I felt that angry...guess it is still alive and well inside me and just needed a good reason to rear its ugly head. And I guess I am destined to be a single parent...that's just my lot in life. And some days, that just really sucks.