Che,
It is completely your choice how to go about this. But I just gotta say that so much of the stuff you talk about that makes you give up and pick up a bottle is the kind of thing that the Steps address directly. I wish you would give it a chance--I think it would relieve a lot of those unpleasant feelings. That said, nothing further from me on that subject.
I think it's very good that you revealed yourself a little more in this post. Isolating isn't good for alcoholics.
Wishing you the best,