No apologies necessary as far as I see it Che. I encourage everyone who needs it to ask for help tho - there's no shame in it, and no rule that says we always have to post sunshine and lollipops - that won't help much, I've found
I think you might be isolating yourself a little Che...and maybe over analysing things a little too...I've found great support here and people I really can depend on. I had to make a huge lap of faith though to do that and that was difficult.
I think you're worth it - I think everyone is.
I had huge self esteem problems for years too - counselling really helped me sort some stuff out. Have you tried that option?
D