Thanks for all your thoughtful, kind, comments. Some I do agree with, some I do not. I've been to alanon, I've been to therapy. I have been doing really well. Am I perfect,no way. But having to communicate with him and listen to his responses is just mind boggling.I have grieved for our marriage and our future. I am doing well with that, working on myself. But I cannot get over the grief I feel for my 3 children, to lose the father they loved. Before he began drinking he was a great Dad. Now he puts himself 1st and only him. I have managed to keep my oldest in college, and have two teenagers who have never given me a bit of trouble. For that I am thankful. Every day is a struggle for me financially, I support everything. Out of work for 20 months, and sober for a year, 100.00 a week, doesn't even pay for food.
As for him being fearful of what my parents would say, please they are 86 and 80 and are the kindest, most forgiving people I know.
Do I feel like he is hiding behind AA and their steps, yes! Sorry, he comes from a long line of alcoholics,mother,father,brothers. Before we married he promised he would never drink, and he didn't for 20 years. But the demons of his childhood continually reared its ugly head not much after.
So today I set new boundaries, no contact with any of us. My wonderful kids don't need his bs, or his baggage. His attempts were only half hearted at best.
I am a nurse and I have seen manyalcoholic patients strapped down to their beds, overcome with grief for the way they treated their families. After a while you almost become immune. Sorry, but its true.