I am the mom of an alcoholic/drug addict who is in early recovery..it is very hard, but what helped me was alanon where I learned to undo my thoughts about "helping". I learned to look at it as padding her bottom, prolonging her illness.. and who wants to be resonsible for that? Consequences and pain motivate people to change..like you, I hit my bottom well before my daughter hit hers...alanon can show you how to let go with love..a foriegn concept to me at the time.