I married my AW knowing that something was wrong. If I was talking to the version of me from 2 years ago, I would probably sound a lot like you -- I wanted to be married, everything was scheduled, things had been purchased, I loved the woman, I was in my late 30's. And so I looked the other way at the bottles that appeared in the recycling, I made excuses to myself for the ER visit.
Fast forward two years, and we're getting divorced with an infant in the mix. It's not fair to our son, and there's part of me that will never forgive myself for the difficult life I've created for him. But as I've read elsewhere on the forums, we all come here and learn what we need when we need it. Personally I think you owe it to yourself to confide in a family member...at a minimum, you do NOT want to go into this alone.