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Old 03-21-2011, 01:07 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
barb dwyer
same planet...different world
 
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
hi peacelove and welcome to SR.

I am also the 'good' sister of an alcoholic
as well as an alcoholic myself.

I think the pressure to 'help' the 'bad' sister
becomes too great a burden for us
because we learned it in the 'nest'
and have no other frame of reference
when dealing with life and the sibling.

On a bumper sticker-

she's an adult and her choices are her own.

What we do here at SR in tHE f&f forum
is help each other
become independent personalities
and recognize the nonexistent border
between ourselves and the addict/alcoholic.

SOme of us are what is known as 'twice blessed'
meaning that we're not only codependents
but we're also alcoholics in recovery.

SPeaking as an alcoholic
I can tell you that it's common
for a newly sober alcoholic
to overreact to ... well, everything.

Because alcohol is a sedative
remove it
and you've got a person
who's been actively self-sedating
for YEARS
and no longer knows
how to cope with daily occurrences.

Not only that
but the body itself
is no longer able
to regulate it's response.

Simple little 'gland reactions'
happy, sad, anxious, sleepy, etc.
are wacked out of all proportion
and some never return to 'normal' reaction.

They're fried and refried.

Besides the obvious reasons
this is why we stress so strongly at SR
the need for a physician supervised recovery
because the physical body can no longer regulate it's responses.

I agree with the others who say that
it's time to re establish the 'me' 'you' boundary
in your relationship
and encourage your sister
to try and stay sober
and go to as many meetings as possible.

There's a group near you as well
for sisters, brothers, mothers and fathers
wives, and children of alcoholics.

I hope you'll take the time to learn about them
and find a support group near you
they can help you establish
(or re-establish)
the separations needed to recover
as the family member of an alcoholic.
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