Originally Posted by
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Anyone else have an A that is so bad at hiding it? Does he want me to call him on the rug about it? Do you?
Yes, Maybe, and No.
Maybe he wants you to call him on it, maybe not. What I've learned in Al-anon is that guessing what somebody else is thinking, or what their intentions are will only lead to me spinning. All I can know is what's in my head. How things make me feel. What I want - what is and isn't acceptable.
Calling someone out on their behavior is for US, not them. With respect to my husband's drinking - when I called him out on it, nagged him about it, etc... I put myself smack dab in the middle of his business. He's an adult. He's going to do what he wants to do whether I nag him or not. But you can be damn sure that when I nagged him - he used that against me.
You say you are looking forward to a marriage. Is that the marriage you will have with the man who's living with you today? Or the man you think he could be if he was sober?
I married my husband for the man I thought he could be. I've been sadly dissappointed to realize that I'm married to the man he is. Not that it's all bad - there has been plenty of good, but the alcoholism hasn't gone away, and in fact, the behavior that goes with it has gotten worse.
Everybody's situation is different. People are different. There is no right answer. But be honest with yourself and truly look at your situation. Nothing you do will get him sober.