Just wanted to throw something in here, re divorce. I divorced my AH. It was painful getting through it, but once the divorce was over, it's like a light came on that has never gone out again. It was the right decision for me--he was never serious about recovering, just went through the motions because of the restraining order, and ten years later he's still a drunk.
I'm not telling anyone here to divorce--each person must make that decision for herself. However, one of the biggest obstacles to my own freedom was that I felt I would be a loser if I got a divorce--that it would be failing, giving up, and I felt ashamed for that.
If that's you--if you really know deep down that your relationship is hopeless but feel as if ending it would be a failure and shame on your part, try to rethink that. Admitting that it cannot be fixed is not shameful. Wasting more time is worse.