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Old 03-21-2011, 08:52 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Here are some things I ignored before I married my AH.

- the fact that the only time he seemed able to open up and talk honestly or act kind was when he was drinking
- the fact that he wrote me a scathing 12 page letter 6 months before we got engaged outlining all the things that needed to change in me before he could consider thinking about getting married (and I was hurt and angry with this letter and never said a peep about it and instead set to changing myself to fit what he wanted bc I was afraid to make him angry and afraid I would lose him if I said something-- and I believed that he was right and that I was very flawed)
- the explosive temper I'd see (verbal not physical) displayed toward his father, brother, sister, other drivers etc...
- how much time we spent at bars or hanging out having drinks... EVERY date/outing/time together involved alcohol and yet I never thought it was a problem
- the fact that he had a relationship (emotional one) with another woman when we were dating and living long distance from each other
- the lies he told me
- the broken promises and constantly letting me down (and I told myself that getting upset over last minute breaking of plans was really no big deal and I was a needy woman to be bothered by it).

I ignored a LOT. I pretended it would get better once we got married. All that happened is things got worse. Within 2 months of our wedding he let his sister verbally assault me at my mother's home on xmas day and threw a drink in my face and left with his mother and sister and left me alone at my mom's. He has bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen for years. When our daughters were born he never brought me flowers but he bought flowers and brought them to the hospital to give his mother (as a new grandmother kind of thing)...

That's just the tip of the iceberg but I really wish that I'd realized there was a problem (I really believed the problem was me) with him and alcohol and I never, ever would have married him. I will never regret having my daughters- they are the highlight of my life, but marrying him has sucked the past 13 yrs out of me and left me shell of who I was...

Please put the wedding on hold until you can confidently say/feel that you are making a healthy move in marrying him.

I still love my H very much but not enough to sacrifice my life any longer nor my daughter's lives.

Do you love your fiance more than you love yourself?
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