Hi, you have come to a great place, i just recently found SR, and i cannot stop coming back. Just knowing that there are others out there that know exactly what you are going through, helps so much more than you could imagine, your freinds can only understand so much, unless they have lived this, they will never understand.
Been seperated from my ABF for 2 months, together 4 years and one 2yo son. Like your W, he is great father, BF, person, uncle, when he is SOBER, when he has been drinking, it is whole other story, the biggest jerk ever to everyone, and thinks it's funny, he thinks he is so cool, ugh. So of course the fact that i love who he is when he is sober, kept me hangin on, and also him not being a raging A, ie. physically abusive, out at all hours, getting DUI's, kept thinking he is "not that bad", he could be worse. Well they are all the same no matter what, it is all about them, and it is always something or someone else fault. He would go out to a freinds house and come home drunk, but he "wasnt planning on it" that was always his excuse. I would pray he would get a DUI, so that could be my definate reason for leaving him, having a DUI where we live is a very costly thing, and with him already not being able to pay his part of the bills, a DUI would just make that so much worse and i was not going to suffer any more for his problem.
I would try to not let what he did affect me and go on with my life, but when someone you love is alcoholic no matter how hard you try, it is going to affect you and your CHILD. we had seperated many times before but i wasnt ready to give up, i knew when enough was enough it would be enough, and that day was 1/11/11, a big fight and him getting phyical, how could he do that? Alcohol. He would never in million years, i was never afraid of him even drunk, alcohol. in front of our son, Alcohol. i had hit my bottom, thank god!
What will your bottom be? How much more can you take? It sounds like not much more, I wish the best for you and you D, it hurts so much to know what a good person your A can be, and that they are killing themselves and the future that you once dreamed of together. It is heartbreaking to know that there is nothing you can do to help them, "I love him/her, i am supposed to be there for them, what can i do?" Nothing, the more you try to help, sticking around, figuring out how to keep it together, all by your self, the more she will just what she i gonna do, letting her addiction bring you all down.