It is sad. I am so sorry you and the rest of us have to endure this darn disease. We don't know each other but are all suffering, but are recovering together which makes it a little easier. I am 3 1/2 yrs. after divorce and the PTSD is almost all over. I am at acceptance. I divorced a man I truly loved. I gave him to God. You don't see it but it will get better. I remember a while after I divorced I was out with some girlfriends and I heard myself laugh. I knew "I" was coming back to being myself. I saw my X from a distance a few weeks ago. I started to "romanticize" about him. I was sad. I remembered and admitted to myself I really loved him. I went home and saw all the Charlie Sheen stuff on tv and remembered some of the reasons I am not with the X. It is hard. It gets better.