Yep you need AlAnon. Does AA brainwash? roflmao not in my book. Without AA I would not have made it. But ...................... I had a lot of HARD WORK to do on me working those steps.
Sounds to me like all your STBXAH is doing is attending meetings.
You can't get him to change, you know that by now, but you can work on you so that his actions will no longer affect you or your children.
J M H O
Love and hugs,