Hello HHH -
Alanon helps.
Your feelings sound so much like mine and I am helping myself become whole again with Alanon and this board and my own counselor and counseling with my AH
I am at the point realizing AH is not actively working on his recovery and I may stop couples counseling for now.
I stopped seeing a therapist who was somewhat helpful to me but who I felt was pushing me into giving up on the marriage. I was not ready to do that and still not ready to do that.
What I am ready for is letting myself speak out about what is not acceptable to me and trying to "help" my AH treat me in an acceptable way. He is an adult and he needs to work on his recovery.
I need to work on my recovery and he cannot help me. It is very hard and there are no guarantees that it will work for me and AH to be together but I do know whatever I work on for my own recovery is helping me and my kids.