I don't think it's mean either.
but I see your point.
You wouldn't walk up to a bi-polar person and say "wow if only your brain worked right our relationship would be perfect"....
I think there are multilayers to this ....
I don't have a problem saying to my RAH that if he drinks he's gone. Period. because at some point I have to have my own boundaries and what is appropriate for myself and my kids. I know it's a disease. I know I wouldn't walk away from my RAH if he weren't an alcoholic and had Cancer, (just for example) but I know what I can tolerate and what I can't. Maybe there are those who couldn't handle a sick spouse...but I also believe there is a difference in those who are active alcoholics and those who are trying, and I mean REALLY trying to recover from their addiction.
you can't help someone who won't help themselves and yet it's so hard to walk away when you know they will fail miserabely w/out help.
So is it mean to say that? I still say no.
But I also question your idea of 'perfect' if the drinking is the only problem.
Normally the drinking is a symptom of a underlying problem that is not/has not been addressed.
I do think some people are just prone to addiction in general.
If they didn't end up alcoholics, they would be sex addicts, food addicts, gamblers...etc.
again...just a symptom of a problem.
I don't know ..this is a great topic by the way.
I'm going to think on this one more and do some reading.