Throwing my hat into this ring - can totally relate...think I was in your zone a few months ago. It does get better with time. Detachment is a hard thing to wrap one's head around. I remember asking in Al-Anon, "how am I supposed to detach from my husband?" The answers I got were pretty mind blowing. First of all, I was beating him over the head with every bad thing he was doing. Secondly, I was treating him like less than the grown-up man that he is. Detachment for me was steeping out of the way and focusing on myself...what I can change and what I really can't. The whole Serenity Prayer idea...I get up and say that to myself first thing every morning nowadays.
And amazingly, with the help of Al-Anon, SR, and lots of self-reading, I can say today I have been pretty successful at detaching and it really does feel good. My life has done a complete 180...I am no longer so darn anxious and stressed...I look better...I smile more...its nice.
That said - I called marriage counseling to a halt when I realized it was simply too early to be doing this. My RAH's recovery is first and foremost. Our marriage issues can wait.
Hang in there...you are on the right path.