Originally Posted by
wanttohelp0318 
But I do love him, so how do I throw away all the great stuff we have together not knowing if he will change?
If you only love your mondays-fridays, just find someone else to date on the weekends.
Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it.
Sounds like how I justified things with my ABF. As a starting point, you are miserable %30 of the time (Sat and Sun). Probably more. I would spend some of Monday and Tuesday resentful about the weekend fiascos, and parts of Thursday and Friday wondering what the upcoming weekend will entail. Not to mention all of the hours I spent worrying, wondering, and watching him for signs of change, or planning out our next conversation or confrontation about the problem and what he plans to do about it. Plus the hours lying awake in bed at night, trying to predict the future, don't forget those, trying to figure out what it will take for him to see the light, and how I can expedite the process. Been there, done that.
I deserve to be happy %100 of the time, not just %40 - %50 of the time. It took over a year in Al-Anon to realize that.
And unless you have a crystal ball, you will never know when he will "come to these realizations" or "hit bottom". And in my experience, thinking you will have anything to do with it is fantasy. Why he drinks has nothing to do with you. His disease and any recovery chances he has have nothing to do with you.
You're not going to get the answer you are desperately looking for here, hun. I tried it over a year ago, posting similar threads, hoping someone would just tell me "here's what I did, he quit drinking and now we are so damn happy i want to vomit". Still haven't seen that written here, ever.
I wish that I had listened to what these people told me a year ago, through their own experiences, when I first started here. I wish I had listened to their stories, and realized that mine was the same. But I had to go through what I did, and learn for myself. And it sucks, but i've learned it. A couple thousand dollars later, and a whole state away from my friends and family, alone in a city where I know noone because I moved there for him, I've learned it. Now I'm packing up and leaving to start over, again, without him. I learned the hard way, but I guess that was God's intention. Just as you'll learn whatever you need to know as He intends, and in His own time.
Good luck to you
