kittykitty, findingpeace and tuffgirl i didn't see your responses when i posted my reply just now.
i think what it boils down to is this. i would rather put up with this, painful as it is, than consider a life without him. that is why i WON'T threaten to leave him and then not follow through on it. i have already told him that i will not leave him because of this. what i really want is some advice on how to live some kind of semi normal life with a functioning alcoholic. i know things may NEVER be normal with him. but i am in this for the long haul.
i think that reading all your responses, although meant with the best intention and with caring and compassion, has made me realize that right now i AM willing to put up with it. for now. i know you probably all think i'm crazy but i have to be honest with myself. when i say for now, it means that if things DO get progressively worse (and i know that there is a great possibility of that) then i will reconsider my position. but no, i am not strong enough to walk away from the man i love. i want to stick by him.
he actually just woke up now.. and commented 'that's quite a gash on my hand' and we talked about how myself and my friend constructed a tourniquet out of a trash bag because i couldn't find any bandages.. he has gone to the bathroom and i am going to talk to him when he comes back.
wish me luck....