I'm almost jealous of that fact that he gets to drink the pain away and I have to actually live life.
Yes I felt that way too.
Its difficult when they are in the early stages.
Just remember this is CHRONIC and PROGRESSIVE. And it is a good thing you won't be around years later down the road to see where his "drinking the pain away" (more like "storing it deeper and deeper") will take him.
You could be in evasion as well, drinking, sleeping in a different place every night, partying etc. But in your heart do you believe that's going to help you? Is that happiness?
Didn't think so.
There are better days ahead. Therapy has helped me understand where my intense feelings come from. And how I have a huge record in terms of self boycott. Accepting realities is the foundation for real lasting change.
It's hard. I broke No contact many times. Every.single.time I got way more hurt. I hope you save yourself from this.