Hey man, you've got to enlist some help to get off the drugs.
The subox doc who is prescribing for you really needs to know what you are doing. If you can't confide in that doc, get a different one. After all, you were prescribed this stuff to get you OFF drugs, not keep you on them. In addition, get an NA sponsor -- those guys understand and will not criticize you. You just need a little help and support, and you can do this.