Living with an alcoholic can't help but make anyone a bit nutso. It goes with the territory. We've usually tried to reason with them. We've tried to be supportive. We've been angry and hostile to them. We've taken out our frustrations on others. We've put their problems and issues at the center of our lives.
SO, it takes some recovery to get over all that crap. The focus is on US, what WE need to do to live lives that are happy and whole, regardless what the alcoholic is doing. We learn to detach (with love) from them because we get totally enmeshed in their drama. Al-Anon has a very cool pamphlet entitled,
"A Merry-Go-Round Called Denial" that describes the dynamics very well.