Hugs to you!
I *just* posted on the "how to manage today" post and thought I'd share my response there with you!
Hi!
I can, in no way, speak to the legalities.
What I can say is that I can see you are very worked up.
First thing to do is put on your own oxygen mask. What I mean is, try to step back from yourself and see your anxiety. You wondered how he could cause so much emotional turmoil remotely. He ISN'T causing your emotions to rollercoaster.
You are.
He is the catalyst, to be sure. But the good news is YOU HAVE THE ABILITY to self soothe. So that is the first step.
Breathe.
Try to catch your racing thoughts and fears and let them go. Be in the moment.
Breathe.
Find your loving self parent and have her have a little talk with you, "You're okay. You are safe. The kids are safe. That's what is important."
When you catch yourself obsessing on him - if he's dead, if he's mad, if he's drunk, if he cares, try to remember THAT IS NOT YOUR JOB.
That's just extra stress you do not need.
You're okay. One step at a time.
Use this stressful situation as an opportunity to practice (1000 times a day, if necessary) to take a step back and breath. To calm yourself. To soothe yourself. To accept his wonky behavior and let it go.
All my love
peace
The other thing I will say is I forced by AH to go to counseling, but all I saw was the same crud I had seen at home (but I was paying for it).
He didn't want to go and I didn't either. I wanted to fix him.
I am happy we are done and I am moving on.
What is your "enough is enough"?