Cafa, I am very overwhelmed by reading your post.
I lived that life w my RAH and we did have our son.
So many things are so exactly what my A had said or did to me, AND After our son was born, he pulled the stuff your A pulled on you on other unsuspecting girls. Using them to come see us, telling them he was just needing to placate me to see our son. That was NEVER true. Our son was always available to him. He did not need to seduce me or promise me love. But he did. ANd there was always some poor girl on the other end that he was lying to, making himself out to be a victim of me. The girls would hang on, because he was so "helpless" and 'messed up'
He ruined my clothes, too.
He kept me on a string, trying to win me back each time with promises of rehab, or changes in himself, which never stuck.
I just want to say, in case you doubt yourself, that I think you made the right decisions.
I hope you are strong enough to stay away. Time will heal and the chaos will fade, and you will hopefully develop a taste for the real love that comes from a partner that does not lie, use, and manipulate his way through life.
I feel for you. HE sounds like he may have some pretty charming tendencies.
Mine does, too.
This is common for some dangerously emotionally manipulative people, and addiction really messes that up and makes it way worse.
For the Record...
My A went to rehab and is sober.
I allowed him to come home and live with us.
He acted the same old ways after a month or so.
He was ungrateful.
He is still abusive and manipulative.
He is not working a recovery program.
He is sober, works a job, and goes out every night to be social after work, which ends @ 3-4pm.
Our son recently (almost a month ago) had surgery. A came to the surgery, hung out after, and in almost a month has only made time to see him 3 times, less than an hour each time.
To hear him tell it, he is father of the year, there for his son, a big part of his life. Guess what? A really believes that.