Afternoon stroll
Friday's are hard for me. I guess the anticipation of Friday night and the weekend and knowing that I don't have any plans. But it was a beautiful day so I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. On the way home I ran into my AH. For the first time in a LONG time he actually looked happy to see me. We exchanged some general niceties. He was on his way to the pub for his Friday night meal. He complimented me. Then he leaned in to kiss me. Well I have been thinking a great deal about last week's hug fiasco and setting clearer boundaries. Without any hesitation I just backed up and kept talking. He looked so hurt. I know I did what was best for ME. I know I need to put MY needs first. But I have this temptation to call or text or email and tell him its not because I don't love him it's because every time we hug or kiss its like ripping off the scab of a wound that is taking so long to heal.(I think someone used those words on this board and I thought it was such a great visual)
But I don't owe him any explanations. He certainly didn't give me any when he yelled "Get your hands off of me!" one day when he initiated the hug. Then again maybe he will see that I am starting to accept life without him and he may realize what is really at stake.
And this is me taking a 3 minute encounter and replaying it from every angle.
Somebody slap me and tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT!