WhoWasI Welcome!
I have 2 kids (now 6 and 10). I hung on for 3 years thinking I would harm my kids if I left their Dad (they are adopted and have attachment disorder and PTSD). I was convinced I would destroy any progress I had made with them. Then their therapist told me it was a no win situation. If I stayed I was telling my kids it was OK and normal to live the way we were living. It was not. If I left I was going to lose ground--that was a given--there was no questioning that. BUT I could make up that ground in an environment that was safe and secure and where my kids could thrive.
I left and it has not always been easy. That first 6 months was he** because one child was angry (even though his dad was verbally abusive to him-why, because he had started to think that was normal-YIKES!) and one child was sad and wanted us to be a family again.
Fast forward to now. My older son--he is a changed boy. His attachment to me actually became stronger and he is now securely attached. That would never had happened if I did not leave. My now 6 year old--he still wants his family back together but he is at the age when he thinks what he sees on TV or reads in books is real--he is in the fantasy age. So when he talks about us being a family again he does not do it with sadness. It is wishful thinking. He will do that for awhile. My older son still says sometimes that he wishes we could still be a family but he really does understand why we do not live with his dad. I tell my kids that they did not lose their dad because they did not. He just does not live with us. They see him because he has partial placement (and a condition that I put in place for that placement was no alcohol or drugs when the kids are around or 12 hours before the kids are around).
I agree-staying in a broken home is not a good thing. It will take awhile for your kids to adjust and they may talk about wanting you and their dad back together but if it really is not going to happen then maybe go to therapy for YOU so you can make the right decisions for you and your kids.
We often feel compelled to do things for our alcoholics or are afraid of hurting them because we have our own things we need to work on. We are codies and we need to heal ourselves. We can't fix them but we can sure work on ourselves. Once I started to face my codependency things became much clearer for me. I worked on me and stepped away from the alcoholic. If no one has recommended it yet "Codependent No More" by Melanie Beattie is a great book.
AlAnon was a scary place for me at first. But I have found a meeting where I feel comfortable now so it's not so scary anymore.
Again Welcome. You have found an incredible group of people. I found strength and understanding here when I needed it.