Old 03-18-2011, 08:07 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
wanttohelp0318
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 3
Destiny - thank you. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, except that you have been dealing with it a lot longer than I have.

I however did grow up with my father being an alcoholic. I saw first hand what it does to destroy a marriage, a family, and his physical health. I do not want to go through that all over again. I know that if my dad could stop drinking, he would. But he can't. He is what I would call a functioning alcoholic. He goes to work every day, but in recent years, I believe he has a few at lunch. Then after work, he drinks all night. He drinks every day. He drinks so much, that if you didn't know him, you wouldn't even know he was drunk. Everyone I know tells me what a good guy he is and how nice he is. Which is true in part. But he is also the guy that has made my mother miserable for years, he is the guy who got a DUI as a 60 year old man, lost his license, paid thousands in fines, etc. He is the guy who me and my sister do not trust to have our children in the car with. He is the guy who my son has begged to stop drinking and he just tells him to stop.

I believe that all alcoholics have good intentions, can be good people, and do love and care about their family and friends. But, they still can't control their actions.

There-in lies my problem. I know that this man can't control his drinking. I know what my life will be if I stay in this relationship. I know the issues I will face. I know I will never have a child with him if I stay because I don't want that child to grow up feeling the things that I felt. I know all of the bad things that will happen. I know I will be miserable, I know I will always be second to alcohol. But, when is the breaking point? When is the point where I know that he is never going to get help? How do I know he is never going to get help? He has changed so much in the last year, so how do I know that wanting to stop drinking is not going to be his next step? I know I can hope and pray all I want, but it has to be his decision. But, I don't know if he will ever make that decision. What if he does? What if I throw away everything we have believing he will never change, but what if he would have changed? I love my Monday - Fridays because he is sober and is a wonderful man, and we have a great relationship. But, then he becomes someone else on Saturday, and I have to wait until Monday to get the man I love back.

But I do love him, so how do I throw away all the great stuff we have together not knowing if he will change?
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