thank you all so much for the for the replies, yesterday after reading a few i already felt so much better and was looking forward to going to Al-anon for the first time.
It is so true KerBearz, that i feel very alone, when it comes to the rollercoaster of emotions that go along with loving an alcoholic.
It is so sad because i love him very much and hate to see him kill himself, it is hard to sit back and watch and not be able to do anything. It is so crazy to me that alcohol is so terrible that it not only digs it's fangs into the addict but also the people who love the addict. After knowing the pain i feel from the affects of alcoholism, i can't even imagine what the alcoholic is going through, i can see so much sadness and confusion in him, but he never says a word, his face is already showing signs of the abuse to his body, looking older then he is.
Yes PrettyViolets, i too have not drank since 1/11/11, the day everything went down and he had to go. it is just not right, i guess that may have been a start to helping myself, so maybe one day it will help him.
After reading posts on this site for a while it is amazing to see how many people live with their A's for so long. i dont know how you do it.....if i could, i would but i guess i can't. i know i need help, it is so scary. I think i am also in denial. I keep thinking that if i go to Al-anon, i will get through and past it all and leave him in the dust and not even care anymore, then where will he be? all alone with his beer. wow i could on and on.
Thank you all so much again, i feel like i can go to a meeting and try to start feeling better, i feel better already just reading the support here.