Originally Posted by
jamaicamecrazy 
But I keep hoping that he will choose sobriety and the sweet man I have known will be found again. How naive do I sound?
Nope, not naive, only human. Lots of us here on the forums hope for such an outcome. Just remember that hope is not a plan - don't build your life on it.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but your husband
has been physically abusive.
Originally Posted by
jamaicamecrazy Then one night he tore my clothes off me and screamed that he wanted to punch me. I was not scared because I had never known him to be violent.
This is outright physical abuse.
Don't minimise it.
Please find yourself a copy of 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft. It really opened my eyes to what was going on in my marriage. XAH escalated his verbal abuse in the last 2 years of our marriage too. I'm only starting to recognise the other, less obvious, forms of abuse he had been using prior to that.