Old 03-16-2011, 02:09 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
StarCat
Today is a New Day
 
StarCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Someone in my Al-Anon meeting last night made a very good point.

"We don't want to change, until it becomes more painful not to change."

As heartbreaking as it is that she wants to go home, perhaps this is a good sign, that she was sheltered from enough of the bad behaviors that she did even come close to hitting her bottom. You managed to keep her from the worst, in spite of everything, so that right now she can't recognize this stable environment as being "better than 'home'" yet.

Now you are staying at your mother's to keep her from the rest of the bad, and not just the worst. It is a change from the familiar, and the "bad" was not bad enough that she was desperate to change, so she still wants to go home. Over time, she will get used to things, and realize that this is better, but right now she doesn't want better, she just wants familiar.
It's the same reason we stick around too long.

You are doing the right thing.
She will agree with you, eventually.
Give her time. And love. And security.
She will provide the rest, when she is ready.
StarCat is offline