Okay, obviously this thread is really working for me!
I was thinking about how my mom is ALL ABOUT being a good listener
and UNDERSTANDING people and where they are at
and COMPASSION
and "making space" for people
and not judging
and helping
and going out of one's own way to accommodate others because that is kind and kindness is a virtue...
and all of that got me so OUT of MY own feelings and needs I can't even FIND them!
I think that's why gaslighting works on me. I am so busy trying to REALLY LISTEN to my AH and CONSIDER what he's saying and CHANGE for him and MAKE SPACE for him and QUESTION MY motives that when someone isn't honest, I am trying so hard to give THEM the benefit of the doubt and see it from their perspective that I become a tangled mess. Particularly if the liar is kind and suffering and trying to be good and "not doing it on purpose". That eats at me.
The more I can step away from THEM and put even a portion of the energy I have put in in the past to listening to others into listening to ME...well, I move toward health.
peace