Old 03-16-2011, 04:37 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Hopeworks
Member
 
Hopeworks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
You can decide whether or not my story qualifies as a "happy ending" as we are still in the pretty early stages and sadly alcoholism is a lifelong battle and relapses are always a risk... that being said... we are really happy right now and our future looks very bright together.

My RAH had a serious alcoholic past... we met while he was in recovery and traveled together for work purposes for several months. We fell in love... he relapsed and the nightmare began for this codie ACOA.

For two years I watched this man struggle with this evil disease that put him in the hospital or a jail cell... he simply could not stop if he started drinking and nearly drank himself to death on several occassions.

Knowing that he wanted to stay sober and that he truly loved me made it so much more difficult to do what I was finally forced to do... I went no contact knowing that it most likely was a death sentence. I turned him over to God and prayed "whatever it takes and Your perfect will".

He didn't die but he got arrested and grossly overcharged for a very stupid act (touching tip money in a restaurant) and was charged with "Strong Arm Robbery" with a possible 15 year prison sentence! He went into rehab and stayed 4 and half months and attended over 300 AA meetings in that time. The miracle happened and he has been sober ever since (9 months).


Sobering up in jail and detoxing off of benzodiazepines (14 days of no sleep, nightmares when you do sleep, extreme anxiety and other horrible detox symptoms) and realizing how serious his charge was along with losing me... (still no contact) made him determined to do "whatever it took" like a drowning man reaching for a lifering.

He agreed to go into rehab and stayed 4 and half months and attended over 300 AA meetings in house and around the city. They wouldn't let him work the steps at the facility (stupid is as stupid does) but as soon as he was released he worked the entire 12 steps and continues to practice them every day.

He works with his pastor (recovered as well), counsels weekly with a Dr. of psychology who is also a pastoral counselor as well as attends at least on GOOD AA meeting a week (Big Book Study). In short, he is always working on himself... becoming the man God created him to be and always trying to lose his alcoholic behaviors and thinking that are so deeply ingrained and often automatic responses. We also attend church and believe that our miracle is directly attributed to our HP (Jesus C. in our case).

I attend the Big Book study, work on myself constantly as well (Alanon, lots of reading on addiction, recovery, codependency etc) and we also counsel together with our psychologist on relationship building.

It isn't easy but relationships never are! More than 50% fail without alcohol or addiction! But miracles do happen but only if we are willing to the hard work on ourselves and give more than we expect to receive from oneanother. WE both try to give 60% to the relationship and not worry about who is giving more. We know eachother love language ... I prefer service and he prefers gifts.

Will we make it forever? If he relapses it will be because he didn't do what his HP has shown him are his responsibilities for his recovery and I will immediately step back and allow God to do "whatever it takes" again. We have a relapse plan in place and he has told me to get him back into rehab immediately if he relapses... by whatever it takes. If he is out of it to get a Marchman Act order. We see an attorney next week to see about his ability to put that into writing to make it easier to get a court order if he cannot think for himself in a relapse situation.

Life is uncertain... life with an active alcoholic or a recovered alcoholic is even more uncertain. Disaster can happen at any time just because they have a weak moment in a society that bombards us constantly with images encouraging us to drink and drug.

This is my reality and I have accepted it. Was it worth it? Would I do it over again? I don't think so ... we were so happy and blissfully in love before his first relapse and we have not recaptured that euphoric magic. I love him so much but to have experienced his alcoholic self, the dark and evil side is something that scars because you know that it is lurking waiting for the right moment to derail everything.

So I live in the moment and I am happy and our lives are very good right now and only time will tell if we live happily ever after ... right now it is one day at a time.
Hopeworks is offline