I do think that some people can cope and have better boundaries than others when dealing with someone they love who is drinking, but it depends upon how much havoc and misery the alcoholic has beset on the family/loved one. I don't believe in a 'one size fits all' approach personally to a person's healing either but I think it boils down to support. I'd wager you have a healthy support network right there in your friends or own family so that that may be enough for you (for now).
I personally found it difficult to find support in such a structured setting but maybe if I were the child of an alcoholic, or my son had an alcoholic father, it (al anon) would help me cope.
I don't think posting what she posted is necessarily a sign of denial though. For the simple fact that if someone can detach and remain fairly healthy while their loved one drinks, perhaps it is because the drinking hasn't progressed to the more self destructive realm (he lost his job, etc etc). We only know what we experience and situations do vary. I find reading SR very helpful in giving me a glimpse into the possible scenarios that go on in people's lives with an alcoholic in the family or as a partner. It helped me understand him better so that I could reinforce my boundaries when I had to. And yes, that dirty word.. support
him in wanting a better life for himself.
I can speak for myself and say I have a pretty great life aside from the fact that I got emotionally involved with someone with a serious history of alcoholism. But I also have lots of support from my own friends and family about this situation (for the most part) so maybe that can be the difference. If things get more involved with this person then maybe I will need more support than my friends or SR so it is nice to know that support is out there (al anon).
Knowledge is power, right?