Living arrangements-- please set me straight
I am pretty sure my thinking is not right and I need a reality check.
I left with D3 and D5 over a week ago and went to my moms. I wanted to be out of the home H and I share for a number of reasons.
- in the past he plays victim when I have asked him to leave and makes things much more dramatic as a result-- this way I felt more in control of me and felt I gave him less to blame me for
- he has dogs that I do not want to be responsible for
- everywhere I turn in our home I see a reminder of a fight, a broken promise, a lie etc... and it's hard to be there physically and emotionally right now.
That said, the past few days my D3 has been really having a hard time, particularly at night. She is saying over and over she wants to go to her home and I wonder, even though there will still be turmoil and we will not be living all together, whether it is best for the girls to be in their own home. D5 likes being at my moms and isn't eager to go home.
I feel very torn. I don't know if D3 is really missing the house itself or wants the idea of being there all together... I do know that she has been sobbing at night, wants me to hold her all night and its been heartbreaking.
If I take the girls back to our family home, in addition to what that means for me (the reasons I don't want to be there to begin with), it means that H, who has been staying there, will be homeless.
I am the one initiating this separation and I don't feel right dictating that he be homeless. I am worried about him having all kinds of resentment and having his physical comfort impact his desire to "recover". I know this is wrong to be worrying about him, but in all honesty, I know how he thinks and I know full well that the fewer things he can find to blame me for, the more he has to face reality. I was ok with him staying in our home bc of this in part.
The T I take D5 to said last week that wherever the girls are (our home or my moms) it should be stable (as in no back and forth). I don't want to go home and then find it's a nightmare and leave again.
Any thoughts? Maybe my reasons for not being at the house are all wrong and I ought to just take the girls home and be done with it.