I needed to make boundaries based on MY quality of life.
Our sickness comes about when our lives become more about helping our A hold it together, or picking up their slack, than about moving forward, having a nice normal day or night.
Write it all down, write it here, if you want.
Hash it out.
What are you willing to live with, what can you tolerate, and what will you simply not take part in anymore.
If you make boundaries, be prepared to keep them, and deal with the consequences.
You wrote thatYou are afraid of losing a person that you are so close to. Hopefully that person will be able to understand and respect your boundaries. That is healthy.
You also wrote that you know this pattern will continue and you feel endangered by it.
Protecting yourself from what you percieve as danger is healthy and normal..
Your feeling nervous about making a boundary to protect yourself is a red flag, meaning that you feel a threat around doing it.
Maybe his drinking is not affecting you too badly, yet, and maybe it is, but being adult Child it feels "comfy" to you somehow.
Think on these things. It is definitely affecting you enough that you came to this forum for help.
Also, take a look at whether he changes when drunk, or drinking, does his treatment of you get darker, less loving?
I guess you can say to yourself, "I cannot change or control him, but I can make choices for my self."
If the boundaries you make are reasonable, and are a problem for him, then you might find his drinking is a bigger problem in your relationship than you thought.
Alcoholics dont want you to rock their boat. He may be very comfortable with how things are.
Can you be more specific about what the boundaries are that you would like to set forth?
What is it that is causing you discomfort?
Is it the lying only?