Wow - for the record I'm now separated from my AH. I took a stand last Aug, got a restraining order and a new apt across town. I did for lack of knowledge about A let him move in after he went to detox but as soon as things got crazy again I had the police remove him. That night is when I read some of his Big Book he got in detox and found Al-Anon. God lets everything happen for a reason. It changed my life, learning about A and realizing my own powerlessness and denial. I'm now a really grateful member. So yes, today I truly realize I don't deserve abuse in any form. I always knew I didn't deserve it but for years was convinced that somehow I was causing it to happen.
Tuffgirl -
Not sure what quacking is but sounds like gaslighting to me if you're doubting the validity of your thoughts and memories.
Cat123 -
If you're like me it took me a minute to try to think up which example to post because there were so many times he twisted things around to make me feel guilty and crazy. When I saw the first few posts I kinda got worried I picked the wrong one as it seemed the nature of gaslighting was getting lost in the abuse issue but I'm glad it made its way thru.