Originally Posted by
Friedman 
he feels comfortable being drunk around me
Originally Posted by
Friedman I have reached the point where I'm sick of wasting my time to visit him when he's drunk so will probably tell him I'm done until he tells me he's willing to not be drunk to visit (and obviously follow through). I need to be able to follow through with it though, as saying I'm done would probably be more stressful for me than him, since I'd start worrying how he's doing. I'm conflicted because the odd time he will be OK for a visit, so that makes me feel like I should keep trying.
One of the things we talk about here are "boundaries." Boundaries are not attempts to control another person, just ways for us to keep ourselves safe and healthy in spite of the "diseases" around us.
You basically have to decide what is acceptable and unacceptable to you, place your boundaries, and then stick with them. Right now he feels comfortable being drunk around you because you have not given him any reason or requirement to stay sober. You have told him that you will only visit if he is sober, but when he is drunk you visit anyway.
Boundaries are only worth something if you follow through with them.
That said, if you go to visit him, and he is drunk, you can leave, and politely state that you specified you would only visit if he was not drunk. It is okay to stick up for yourself, and your requirements.
This does not guarantee that he'll be sober next time, but the more you enforce your boundaries, the better a likelihood that he'll pay attention to them.
Eventually you may need to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship at all, but in the meantime all you need to do is decide where your boundaries are, and then enforce them, kindly (when possible) but firmly. See what happens.
(It is harder than it sounds, and I recognize that, and it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. The more you stick up for yourself and your personal rights, though, the easier it will be. Progress, not perfection.)