Old 03-14-2011, 07:48 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Buffalo66
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I think a lot of times, when people say this, its because alcoholism IS a family disease.
Alcoholism, and any disease, really affects not only the person directly afflicted, physically, but the people around them who experience a fallout of varying degrees.

Maybe you have been able to keep the sides of the road well defined, and have been detached enough that his alcoholism has not derailed you at any point.

BUt, speaking for me, I can say that my RAH has caused a great deal of havoc in the lives of anyone who loves him, bith while drinking, and now in recovery.

Our son, for example, has made up reasons and excuses for his fathers absence or erratic behavior. that affects me, because I have to deal with his emotional confusion and sadness, and anger.

I have had to parent our child virtually ALONE, even though RAH was physically there, and sometimes he WAS NOT physically there. Picking up his slack, picking up after his both lteral and figurative messes, means that I becaome resentful. This resentment becomes MY SICKNESS.

All addicts have chaos around them, when active and when abstaining if they are not in a true recovery, which means that they change the behaviors and patterns around the use of the substance.

That chaos affects those of us who attempt to share a life with them. We end up having to do more to cover the gaping lack of presence on their part.

Even people who work with addicts can become resentful, as they may have to take on a greater workload.

Another way that I have become "sick" with the family disease, is that I have worried, waited up for him, become less focused on my needs, my day, my joy, and at times, allowed my entire existence to revolve around him and his imbalances, trying desperately to help, to stop, to coerce him to get help. This becomes something called codependency. Codependency is when we focus more on others doing their 'work' in life than our own.

We may assume and take on the emotional stress that belongs to them...will they pay that bill? Will they lose that job? Will they do something while intoxicated sexually that puts my body in danger.

Just losing focus on my life, my progress, my moods, and using his disease and his imbalances to avoid my own is my disease.

Maybe you have successfully avoided all of this, but if you have kids, it would be nearly impossible to not become somehow affected by his disease.

I hope this helps somehow.
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