I agree with LexieCat.
I had gotten good at finding peace and serenity in the midst of the chaos, but the truth is - it wasn't healthy for me. Everytime I didn't react, alcoholism up'ed the ante.
You're in a very sick situation. Everyone must play their part in the merry-go-round, otherwise - the truth comes out and must be faced. You are being given strong "change back" messages - don't listen.
NONE of the drinking is your fault. You are NOT ruining your husbands life.