Failure
Despite my week of doing well detaching etc and ignoring the emails of Fri and Sat, I lost it yesterday- big time- with AH's parents there no less...
He wouldn't make any decisions in response to awkward questions his parents would ask so instead he and they would look to me-- I stuck with "it's your call" over and over (bc in years past I get put in the decision making role and then everyone gets to blame me when they are unhappy with the decision I make-- but no one of them ever will make a decision on their own)... and AH started faking being sicky sweet and saying "well, gee, I am just trying to be considerate" which then got his mother saying "WTBH can't you see AH is trying hard?... why don't you be nicer?..."
I was not about to leave my kids alone with them all and they came up (invited by AH without asking me first) to see D3 for her bday...
So, I stayed and finally said I'd had enough and it was a nightmare.
I packed everything I possibly could and made it clear that I was not coming home ever. I am calling my lawyer today to find out about getting a financial and custody agreement in place before there's a divorce bc I don't trust AH further than I could kick him...
He made a point with his parents there of saying that the only reason he's been trying to be nice is bc I have "threatened" to ruin his life by telling the cops he's been drinking despite a bail order saying he can't. That got his enabler mother (my fil is a raging violent A too) to tell me that I was going to "ruin" her sons life and hurt our kids if I did that. I informed her that it was her sons choice to drink and not my responsibility if he faces consequences for that. She countered that it would be my responsibilty bc the only way someone will know is through my telling them. I hate his entire family and want to find a way to keep them from EVER being around my kids without my being there. They are TOXIC.
AH also played the "I was sober for 5 weeks and you didn't give me enough praise"... card - I reminded him that I actually did tell him often (and gave him dates bc I keep a journal for this very reason) that I saw he was trying and that I was here for him etc... He told me that I ought to be happy that he's trying to stay sober and not expect too much all at once. I told him that being sober and continuing to act exactly as he did while drinking was not something I was going to pat him on the back for...
He's such a BABY and I can think of no one else in the adult world other than him (or perhaps most A's?) who think that acting like an adult is something you should get accolades for... I mean, he honestly thinks that saying things like "I am lying a lot less than I used to" is something he should get a pat on the back for... UGH.
I am frustrated with myself for getting sucked in. If it weren't for D3's bday I would not have had any contact with him this weekend... I will not make that mistake again anytime soon. D3 has her party with friends on Sat and I asked him to not come-- he's said he will be there whether I like it or not and is inviting his brother and sister (who are insane). At this point he is pulling out all the stops to be as obnoxious as possible and I need to find a way to not let him get to me even when I have to be around him...
I'm struggling....