Definitely know what your going thru...Just had the same conversation with my AH. We've been separated for 4 weeks, just started talking again last week and he went from can you just handle my business for me, I just want to be friends at least, to you're not my acting like my wife and we need to just end this marriage. Umm, did he like totally forget he trashed my new apt & bleached half my clothes 4 weeks ago?
I fell for the it'll be different this time promise AGAIN and let him move into my new apt, which I got after he ran me out of our home in the middle of the night so he wouldn't beat the crap out of me, when he got out of detox. Now he feels he's ENTITLED to DEMAND for ME to fix HIS marriage. Is he serious?
I've been reading the same book along with Gaslighting and I felt the same way Friday like maybe I'm reading too much negative stuff and it's pissing me off and I'm on a passive/aggressive trip. But then I think of all the stuff I've been thru and I feel like I have a right to be thoroughly pissed off. Granted I chose to stay thru it and I chose to believe him every time he claimed he'd get it together but that doesn't negate the fact that he continues to put everything on me, right down to his relapse.
I too wonder if there's a good man -- i gave up on perfect--- man out there because all I've ever seen in my life are the really abusive ones. I figure though that at least reading this stuff will make me more aware of the tactics and mentality of the abusive ones.
I'm trying to accept him for who he is but who is he? Is he Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde? Is he the compassionate caring man I could talk to about my deepest & darkest secrets? The man who walked miles to get to the hospital when I was sick even though we were going thru one of our separations or is he the man that terrorized me and sent me to the hospital? I don't know.
And what or who gives him the right to demand a FINAL answer on the state of our marriage? As if I know, talk about a Let go and let God moment.