Book recommendation alert!
I just spent the weekend enthralled with a new book I found in my amazon recommended list. I even quoted from it on another post today, and after reading this post thought it may be a good recommendation for you, courageouscrane, and for all of us, for that matter.
Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding its Trap, by Bryn C. Collins, MA, LP
It includes the 'holics, but is far more broad in scope. And includes practical advice for us regular folks plodding along through life and seem to get blindsided by certain types of people.
I walked away from this weekend of reading and self-reflection knowing I have spent my entire adulthood trying to get men like my own father to love me, and he was completely emotionally unavailable. I have kept trying in each relationship I've had. Trying to change them with the "love of a good woman". I am not upset about this realization, just kind of relieved that I can become aware of this pattern now so it stops repeating itself.
I also recognize now how I have played the game and been emotionally unavailable at times, too. One chapter even covers conversational tools to remain emotional available while protecting oneself from attack from those who are not. Pretty good stuff.
Anyway...just thought I'd pass this along. I hope your week gets better from here. My experience is that once the grief lifted, I felt even better than before. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?!
Take good care,
~T